Feb 28

Building Tracks To Get Back On

If you want to find plenty of wildly varying advice about a topic, just search the internet for “getting back on track”.  The results are like a balloon full of ten colors of paint dropped from a 20 story building.  It’s just a mess and it’s everywhere. And if you’re in the 40s or 50s (or closing in on one of those), and you try to narrow it down, well, I hope you’re ready for someone to try and sell you something.  Advice is a weird thing in that you often get it from all over the place and from everyone you know but you sometimes feel like there some huge gap in it.  I’ve been coming to the realization that the huge gap in advice is myself. The advice is out there, and the gap for me is me. More specifically, for me, it’s just self-discipline. I would rather do anything that the things that I need to do. And I don’t know why. It may simply be the uncertainty of outcomes when focusing on critical life tasks. That all decisions you make, no matter how well reasoned, can somehow go awry.  It may be that feeling of spiraling out of control that makes you feel like you are reaching the edges of the spiral and you’ve gotten so far away from the center that you give up all efforts to pull the spiral back inward to create an comforting orbit. To say I haven’t figured it out would be an understatement indeed.

One of the web searches I have gone through are ones like “getting your life back on track”.  That has interesting results.  One of the most interesting is seeing how common it is for people to feel like that are not in control of their lives and that they are spiraling out of control.  It seems to really permeate every age group, too.  20-somethings with out of control substance abuse and social lives that dominate their existence. 30-somethings still feeling in their 20-somethings. 40-somethings trying to rattle themselves out of their sleepwalking phase or being rattle by death or divorce or other big changes. 50-somethings also being rattled by death and divorce or job loss and seeing their earlier plans for life go awry. In other words, I am not alone in trying to get back on track.  On the other hand, I am also realizing, I never had a track to being with.  And that’s where I am now: How do I start building a track to even get on to?

Feb 01

Almost Two Years

It has been almost two years since I did ANYTHING with this blog or with CSBMonkey. Interesting. To say I’ve been waylaid by jackassery would be quite an understatement.

My life has changed by about 95% since my last post in 2013.  I have weird habits of coming back to things. And here I am, back to this thing.

Today I had to pick up the gauntlet of taking control of my financial life again. I have been good in the past at being in charge of it, and I made an effort to shift these tasks and responsibilities to someone else, but I have a significantly higher need for knowledge and control over things as well as having some planning capabilities than the person I had turned it over to.  Basically, I want more than just tracking and covering bases.  Those are minimal acceptable standards for managing my financial management, and the past six months have been such that all of my focus has been elsewhere such as moving, job hunting, job acceptance and training myself at the job, getting organized at the job, learning the people and culture of the job, dealing with a house and the stuff in the house the belong to a passed away family member.

Indeed, the death of a significant family member one year ago today that set off a total shift in our lives from one city and culture to another city and culture. For the past six months, instead of a fairly simply financial life we went to a fairly complex family life.  Instead of a job that I was at a standstill, I am at a job that may or may not have meaning and possibilities to move forward.  Instead of just maintaining, I am trying to move forward and progress over the next ten years so I can start focusing on other things entirely in life.

Getting back in control of our financial life is a launching point. I am very tired of being disorganized over the past seven months of so, and I feel like I may be to the point where I simply have to railroad my way through my own family to get us back on track.  I do not like doing that, or being the person to do it, but there’s no magic bullet or magic time in getting people on board with becoming organized if they are not inclined toward the same type of organizational desires you have.