If you want to find plenty of wildly varying advice about a topic, just search the internet for “getting back on track”. The results are like a balloon full of ten colors of paint dropped from a 20 story building. It’s just a mess and it’s everywhere. And if you’re in the 40s or 50s (or closing in on one of those), and you try to narrow it down, well, I hope you’re ready for someone to try and sell you something. Advice is a weird thing in that you often get it from all over the place and from everyone you know but you sometimes feel like there some huge gap in it. I’ve been coming to the realization that the huge gap in advice is myself. The advice is out there, and the gap for me is me. More specifically, for me, it’s just self-discipline. I would rather do anything that the things that I need to do. And I don’t know why. It may simply be the uncertainty of outcomes when focusing on critical life tasks. That all decisions you make, no matter how well reasoned, can somehow go awry. It may be that feeling of spiraling out of control that makes you feel like you are reaching the edges of the spiral and you’ve gotten so far away from the center that you give up all efforts to pull the spiral back inward to create an comforting orbit. To say I haven’t figured it out would be an understatement indeed.
One of the web searches I have gone through are ones like “getting your life back on track”. That has interesting results. One of the most interesting is seeing how common it is for people to feel like that are not in control of their lives and that they are spiraling out of control. It seems to really permeate every age group, too. 20-somethings with out of control substance abuse and social lives that dominate their existence. 30-somethings still feeling in their 20-somethings. 40-somethings trying to rattle themselves out of their sleepwalking phase or being rattle by death or divorce or other big changes. 50-somethings also being rattled by death and divorce or job loss and seeing their earlier plans for life go awry. In other words, I am not alone in trying to get back on track. On the other hand, I am also realizing, I never had a track to being with. And that’s where I am now: How do I start building a track to even get on to?